Posted here for archival purposes.
Retrieved from Aeria by Leirosa.
dandycorn wrote: Dex's Storytime.
Where Bad Stories Go To Die.
Okay, so I've done this a few times in the past, when I've been bored with a group of other players that are equally bored. I hold a little "Choose Your Own Adventure" storytime, where I stand around and improvise an entire story while the crowd gets to pick what happens next. Last night I did a story that lasted TWO AND A HALF FREAKIN' HOURS, and some people had to leave. So, as promised, I'm posting it up here for all to see.
I'd like to apologize ahead of time for the lackluster editting, I just pulled it straight from my logs and editted out everything but parts of my story. Also, there are probably a ton of spelling and grammatical errors, since I was typing as fast as possible, and on the fly. The story is fun, makes no sense and was guided by a group of people that would rather see weird things happen, then a coherent storyline .. So .. Enjoy!
I will post more here as they happen, if they happen. Also, keep an eye out for a future event that revolves around the Choose Your Own Adventure schtick.Dex wrote: Okay! Gather 'round children, it's story time. I'll give you some options, and you pick them to progress the story!
Sooo, let's think of a plot for this story and who it involves.
Who should be the main character? Sekushi, Dex or Heillder? Okay, Dex is the main character.
Who is the antagonist? Sekushi, Heillder or Shahrivar? Heillder, okay.
And what's the plot? A random attack on Dex's Pu Farm? WAR in Eversun City? Or The Eversun Elder lost his prized Fabrigee Kuku Egg and needs it found?
Okay, so Dex & Heillder star in: "THE EVERSUN ELDER'S MASSIVE MIXED-UP MISH-MASH OF MONUMENTAL ... Eggs."
Our highly awesome Pu-Farmer was taking a friendly stroll through the crowded, obscenity-ridden streets of Eversun City, when all of a sudden he heard a cry from afar. Quickly he ran towards the sound, since he loved helping people .. Since usually they gave him some type of reward for his troubles. Upon approaching the scene he discovered: A) A fallen maiden, bleeding and crying, B) A fallen flying pupu, bleeding and crying or C) a rabies ridden cougar?
There, laying before him, was the rotund form of a Pupu, with it's fragile little wings distorted beyond recognition. It lay at his feet bleeding, and crying out. Being a Pu-Farmer, this instantly pulled at the heart-strings of our heroically muscled hero-man, Dex, and he decided to: A) help the poor flying pupu, B) leave the poor flying pupu to it's demise or C) break off the pupu wings and sell them as loot?
He reached down to help the poor flying pupu, it's large, tear-filled eyes turning to the farmer in pain and sadness. "It's okay, little Pu," he said. At that moment the pupu's face turned to anger, and it snarled, transforming into: A) A Flying Noisy Snake, B) A level 60 SE2 Ruby or C) A very, very, very menacing Oak-Hole Kuku?
A Flying Noisy Snake! "What!? A FNS here, in Eversun!?" The Pu-Farmer said in shock as he stumbled back. The snake leered at him, then disappeared into a puff of smoke. Dex looked around confused when he heard soft laughing to his right. It was the Eversun Elder, standing there with his arms folded across his chest. "Good, good," the Elder said. "A helpful person in this diseased city, I had to test you, I'm sorry. I need your help, you see .. I've lost something very .. Important to me." Dex rose to a stand and brushed off his finely air-brushed MUSCLES~. "What do you need my help for exactly," he said to the Elder. "Well, you see .. I've lost my Fabrigee Kuku Eggs, and I believe they have been stolen by a man named Heillder. So .. Will you help me, kind sir?" Will Dex help the Eversun Elder: A) Yes, B) No or C) MUSCLES~?
Dex's eyes narrows as the scene went into wide screen mode. He spun around quick, flexing with all his might as an aura of light shot out from around him. "MUSCLES~" he screamed out before looking at the Elder. "Of course I'll help you, look at my rippling physique of awesome." The Eversun Elder smiled and clapped his hands together. "Excellent, great news. The eggs can be found: A) In Giantwood, B) in Dragon's Den or C) in Sekushi's Bedroom?"
".. in the bedroom of a demoness named Sekushi." Dex's eyebrows raised at the mentioning of that name. "Sekushi?" he questioned the Elder. "Yes, do you know her?" he answered. "We, uh .. Have a history. It's a long story. She used to be hot for MUSCLES~, but .. She's moved on. Sometimes I sit at the farm and think what could have been, and I .. I .." he paused a minute wiping the tears that had slowly began to form in his eyes. "Nevermind, I'll get your eggs back, but first I need to get my friend." Which friend will Dex bring? A) Boaris, B) Noodles or C) Sir Hubert Waddlesworth the Overweight Duck?
"Croak~" the overly large duck said as Dex approached. "How are you my friend? We have a mission, make sure to bring your diabetes testing gear, we don't need you getting sick while we're out." The duck merely responded with a labored "Croak~" before waddling up alongside Dex. "Hm, what weapon to take?" What weapon should Dex take: A) Backdraft Wand, B) Ghost Slayer Sword or C) THE GAMESAGE PIMP-HAND OF DOOMED DOOM?
Dex grabbed the GSPHoDD from the wall where it sat besides his other prized possessions, which included a framed picture of him and Sekushi at the farm, a drawing a child did of Boaris farting after eating burritos, and a Wham! record album cover. He then turned to Hubert, who had just removed his overweight self from the bathroom. "Come, Hubert, we're off .. ONTO ADVENTURE!" Which way did Dex go? A) Eversun North, B) Eversun South or C) he stayed in Eversun?
He left the steps of the bank with his poultry pal waddling beside him. He looked out over the see with amazement at it's bustling crowd, but was quickly taken off-guard by a smack to the head. "GAH!" he said. "Croak~" went Hubert. Startled, Dex looked down to the ground where parts of what had hit him lay. It was a snowball. "WHO DARE THROW SUCH A THING!?" He yelled out in a very questioning manner. However, the answer simply lay in his logs, and it told him that thrower was one "Stickybandaid." Light giggling came from behind him, and he turned around to see the small Sprite standing there with her paws covering her mouth. "I GOT CHU, DEXY-PUU~!" She said, spinning in a small circle. "Oh, it's you .. Leave me by, child .. I have business to attend to," he said, flexing his MUSCLED chest. "But I heard everythiiiing~ I wanna' go wit'chu!!" She stomped her foot, breaking down into a small tear-filled tantrum. Does Sticky join Dex's adventure? A) Yes, B) No or C) PUNT! ..?
"No!" Dex said, turning towards the Sprite and removing her from the surface of the Earth with one, well-placed kick. "BUT I STILL LOVE JOOOOO~!" She yelled out as she disappeared into the sky with a blink of light. "Croak~" went Hubert, and Dex nodded. "Yes, we should get going." Off they walked, towards Sekushi's house in the Market District of Eversun. He happened to know exactly where she lived, because he would spy on her every Thursday and Sunday of the week. He approached the house, does he: A) knock on the door, B) sneak around the back and break in through a window or C) kick down the front door?
"Croak~" said Hubert. "Yes, I agree. I will simply smash the door in and find these eggs." He placed his hands on his hips and stood proudly. A passerby looked oddly at him, and continued walking. "I wonder what these eggs are doing at Sekushi's house. I know for a fact she hates eggs .. I watch her eat breakfast in the morning!" He said proudly, before stepping towards the door. With the same kicking power he delivered upon the poor Sprite, Stickybandaid, he delivered the door from it's hinges. Or at least that was his intention. The door remained in it's place, as Dex fell back clutching his leg .. "It's opens towards the outside, you idiot," said Sekushi standing next to Hubert, patting him gently on the head. Dex quickly stood to his feet and flexed for the sultry demoness. "Yes, of course I knew that, I was simply testing it's strength so as to prevent intruders," he said. "You mean, like yourself?" She rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here anyway? I told you it was over, I was just looking for a good time, and you happened to be around. I found a nice Sylph boy to treat me right." A single tear fell from the Pu-Farmers eye as he heard these words, but he quickly manned-up, and addressed her. "I am here on request of the Eversun Elder! He says you have his Fabrigee Eggs!" Dex said proudly. "Oh God, that pervert .. Figures you're working for him," she said, once again rolling her eyes with a sigh. "I don't have any eggs, you silly little human .. Please stop stalking me." She left Hubert's side, and proceeded to walk into her house, slamming the door behind her. What does Dex do now: A) knock at the door, B) sneak around the back and break in through a window or C) give up and go back to the Elder?
Dex grumbled under his breath, and looked to Hubert. "You stay here and keep watch," he said while running towards the back of the house. Hubert answered with a half-labored croak, and flopped on the ground to continue his heavy breathing. Dex reached the back window of the house right as the light turned on. There she was, the demoness Sekushi, standing in her room beginning to disrobe. A slow smile crept across Dex's face as he inched closer to the window to catch a small peek of her well-toned, but flat-chested body. However, he managed to trip over a trash can, falling onto a pile of tin cans, that spilled into a box of broken glass. "WHY WOULD SOMEONE PUT ALL THESE NOISY THINGS HERE!?" he yelled out, looking up towards the window as an angry Sekushi glared out towards him. "You are quite possibly the biggest pervert in the history of perverts. I told you .. I don't have the eggs, leave me alone before I call the SNES Guild on you." She slammed the window shut, closed the drapes and shut the light off. Dex sat there in his pile of noisy stuff, and contemplated his next option: A) give up and go home, B) go through her garbage or C) go back to the Elder?
Since he had knocked over the trash cans, he figured he may as well go through the garbage that was strewn about her backyard now. He began rummaging, finding a receipt here, or a banana peel there. When he came across a used pair of panties, he stuffed them quietly into his pocket and continued his searching. "AHA!" he exclaimed, pulling a crumpled photo from beneath the rotting core of an apple, and the torn pages of "SYLPH LOVERS QUARTERLY." The photo was of her and another woman he could not name, but in the background were three fabrigee kuku eggs, the prize our Pu-Farmer was after. "So she HAS seen them .." He rose to his feet with a smile, realizing he should have become a private detective, when out of nowhere he got: A) knocked in the head, and was out cold, B) knocked in the head and was still coherent or C) knocked in the head and was still coherent but started crying.
"WHAT!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?" he screamed out between harsh breaths and salty tears; crying hard as mucus begin to dribble from his nose. "What are you doing back here!?" A strange voice said from the shadows. "What are YOU doing back here?" Dex returned, his childish crying beginning to subside. "I'm .. Looking for something," the strange voice said. "Yeah!? Well, so am I. What are YOU looking for?" Dex rose to his feet, glaring out at the shadows where the voice came from. "I'm am looking for the Eversun Elder's Fabrigee Eggs," the voice said, the shadows giving way to expose the figure of a tall, muscled Shura male. "My name is Heillder, the Elder sent me on a mission, and said the eggs would be here. Now .. Tell me what you're doing here?" Dex was surprised by the Shura's words, because the Elder had sent him to find the Fabrigee eggs too. "The Elder sent me to find the Fabrigee eggs too!" he said, mimicing his thoughts. "But .. He said YOU were the one who took them .." The large Shura looked at Dex suspiciously. "Odd .. He said a person named 'Shahrivar' had taken them when he sent me on my quest. Perhaps the Elder is sending us out on a mission that is not all that it seems." Dex nodded, returning to his heroic posture. "Then we should team up!" Dex cried out, flinging his hand out with a "V" for victory sign. The Shura looked around, wondering if this guy was for real. Does Heilder join the cause: A) Yes, B) No or C) HUBERT TO THE RESCUE! ..?
"I suppose we should team together until we can figure out what is going on here." Heillder said, looking down upon the human farmer. "I think we should find this Shahrivar person too." Dex nodded. "Sounds like a great idea .. But the Elder said the eggs were here. Why would he say my loving Sekushi would have the eggs," the Pu-Farmer exclaimed, holding his hands over his heart after mentioning the demoness' name. "I .. Have no idea really," Heillder responded, looking around the backyard. "What do you have in your hand there?" he asked Dex. "Oh, this? It's a picture I found in the garbage. It's of my Seku-hotty and some other girl, she looks Felin. But look!" he excitedly exclaimed, pointing towards the picture. "The eggs are in this photograph, which means Seku-hotty DOES know where they are!" He looked towards the house. "Then we should ask her about them," Heillder said calmly walking towards the front of the house. "I already tried that! It hurt .." Dex said, running after the large man. "CROAK~!!" came the battle-cry from the portly duck as it leaped it's massive bulk upon the male Shura, knocking Heillder off his feet. "Hubert! No, he's cool, man!" Dex yelled, running up after. The duck rolled off the Shura, breathing heavily and beginning to sweat through his feathers. "Ugh .." came the pained cry from Heillder, "Why would you make your duck so fat .. It's a health issue, he could have a heart-attack .." The Shura rose to his feet, brushing himself off, and shaking his head. "Shh, don't tell him that .. He's emotional," Dex said, looking towards the stressed duck, and then the house. "How are we going to get Seku-love's attention?" How are they going to get Seku-love's attention: Do they A) kick down the door and confront Seku, B) hold-up a boombox (ala Say Anything) and serenade her or C) call an ambulance for Hubert?
"I have an idea," Dex said to Heillder. He quickly ran into a nearby store, purchasing a small, black boombbox and a tape cassette. "Err, what exactly are you doing?" Heillder asked, confused at Dex's actions. "Just watch," the Pu-Farmer said, as he approached the demoness' house. He pressed play on the small stereo and held it above his head as it began to slowly rain all around them. The gentle, soothing voice of Richard Marx began wafting through the speakers. "This is Sekushi's favo-- .. OW!!" He didn't get to finish his sentence because a shoe came hurdling out of one of Sekushi's windows, knocking the farmer to the ground, causing him to drop and destroy the stereo. "Yeah, great plan, moron." Heillder rolled his eyes, and looked up towards the window. "Sekushi .. Can we just ask you some questions, without you exacting physical violence on this guy here?" Sekushi sighed, "Fine, but make it quick .. I have a date with my precious Sylph-man-toy~!" She left the window and soon opened the door, walking out to meet the three of them. "Wow, dude .. You should totally get some help for that duck," she waved towards the heaving Hubert, before turning back to Heillder. "What do you want?" What do they want: A) to know where the fabrigee eggs are, B) to know who the other girl is in the picture or C) why Dex has her panties in his pocket?
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE!?" Sekushi yelled at Dex, noticing a pair of her panties hanging out of his pocket. She smacked him in the head, and quickly relieved him of his soon-to-be prized possession. Dex simply sat there, still rubbing his head, where the shoe had hit him. "Geez! Enough with the violence, Seku-love. We just want to know where the fabrigee eggs or, and who this chick is in this picture with you?" He held up the crumpled picture so she could see. "Oh, that's my friend Shahr-- .. HAVE YOU BEEN GOING THROUGH MY TRASH YOU LITTLE CREEP!?" She delivered another smack to the poor farmer's head, before grabbing the photo from him also. "Wait, Shahrivar? Is that what you were going to say?" Heillder asked, raising an eyebrow. "You know here? Psh, I wouldn't be surprised, she gets around." Sekushi looked down at the photo, almost longingly, before crumpling it up and throwing it into the road. "What do you want with her anyway? And what about these stupid eggs?" She said, beginning to walk into the house. "Hm, this just gets more and more complicated." Heillder rubbed his chin. "Do you know where this Shahrivar girl is?" He asked her. "Yeah .. I know where that little tramp is .." Shah is: A) At the Eversun Inn, B) At the Eversun Pet Shop or C) At the Mortuary?
"Yeah, the weirdo hangs out at the mortuary. She's studying to become some kind of doctor. Now, if that's it?" She asked, walking into her house and slamming the door without even awaiting an answer. Dex finally stood up, looking longingly at the doorway, before turning to Heillder. "What now?" What do they do now: A) Go to the mortuary to find Shahrivar, B) Go to the Elder to see what he's up to or C) Take poor Hubert to Dr. Thibalt already?
"Well, first I would suggest we seek medical attention for your duck over there. He doesn't look like he's doing well." Heillder said, looking towards Hubert, who was now hunched over, wings sprawled, breathing like a marathon runner. "We can take him to Dr. Thibalt before we head out. I don't want any of those creepy zombies eating him anyway," Dex said, walking over to Hubert, and leaning towards the duck's ear to whisper into it. "I'm so sorry I made you fat, I just wanted to have the biggest duck ever, I never expected it would harm your health." He wiped a single tear from his eyes before they journeyed on to Dr. Thibalt. Exit Hubert, stage left. The two men stood in the central area of Eversun looking out. "So, shall we find Shahrivar?" Heillder asked Dex, looking down at the human. "Yeah .. She looked kinda' hot actually." Dex responded. Heillder let out a long sigh, before rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, muttering under his breath. "To the mortuary then." They arrived at the mortuary just as a creepy fog rolled in. The soft groaning of zombies could be heard from far away. "Wow, this place is creepier than I thought," Dex said, holding his hand over his eyes to try and peer through the fog. Just then something leaped from the bushes and startled them, it was: A) A ZOMBIE!! B) Noodles! or C) Stickybandaid!! ..?
"YOU THOUGHT CHU LOST ME F'REVER, DEXY-PUU!" Came the cry, as the small Spritely creature leaped from the bushes, and latched itself around Dex's leg. "I FOUND JOOOO!!!" Dex cried out, and once more Heillder sighed quietly to himself. "Is everything about your life one successive joke?" Heillder asked Dex, who was rapidly shaking his lag trying to remove the Sprite lodged there. "I DUNNO! IT JUST FOLLOWS ME WHEREVER I GO!" He clamped his hands on Sticky's shoulders and finally pried her loose. She placed her hands on her hips, and let a little disgruntled huff escape her lips. "JOO DON'T WANT ME," she said crossing her arms. "No, not really .." Dex said adamantly, looking down at her. Heillder just sighed. But then: A) A ZOMBIE!!!, B) Sticky cries or C) A ZOMBIE!! eats Sticky while she cries?
A zombie shambled towards them, reaching it's decayed fingers towards the group. Heillder and Dex quickly sprang into "action-pose," while Sticky squeeled and dove back into the bush. The zombie's low moans slowly turned into words, it uttered: A) "Brrraaaaiiinnnsss, B) "Whhheeerrree issss myyy arrrmmm? or C) IIIII liiiikkeee fruuuiittt cupppsss."
"IIIIII liiiiikkeee fruuuiitt cuuuppppss~" the zombie uttered, shambling closer towards them. THWACK! and the zombie's head fell clean from it's body, which crumpled to the floor. The object of decapitation, a fruit-cup, rolled to the ground. Both Dex and Heillder turned towards the bush, where Sticky stood, lunchbox in hand, arm outstretch and a menacing look on her face. "I TOLD JOO STUPED ZOMBIE, I WAS HUNGRY!!" She closed the lunchbox with a confident *click* before the smile reappeared on her face. Dex and Heillder looked at each other in wonder. "SO!! I CAN JOIN JOO GUYS!?" She proudly said, sticking her chest out triumphantly, and standing on her tippy-toes. "I ISH STICKY! ZOMBIE SLAYER!" Does Sticky join the team: A) Yes, B) No or C) PUNT! ..?
"No." Both of the men said in unison, as their legs counter-acted the forces of gravity on her small Spritely body, and sent her hurdling towards the sunset. "I'LL BE BACK TO GET JOOOO~!!!" She squealed, before once against disappearing into the sky with a twinkle of light. "Now, can we find Shahrivar without anymore interruptions?" Heillder asked, looking towards the sky with disdain. The two of them began walking up the grassy slope towards the worn-down mortuary when: A) a voice, in the shadows! B) a shadow in the bushes! or C) a bush that talks! ..?
"HEY! LISTEN!!" came a voice from a nearby bush. Dex screamed, and hid behind Heillder who looked towards the bush, and then Dex, sighing quietly. From the bush emerged a small creature, bobble-headed and pure white. A blissful expression of contentedness spread across it's face. "HEY! HEY!! NOODLES HERE!!" It was Dex's companion, the small White Jade emerged, who had been following them since Eversun. "Noodles!? What are you doing here, it's dangerous!" Dex said running towards the small Jade, and kneeling down in front of it. "NOODLES STRONG!! NOODLES LIKE APPLES!!" The creature smiled, it's head bobbing back and forth. "Yes, yes .. I know you like apples, but you can't be here, it's very dangerous. Any moment something could attack us!" Just as he said that, they were attacked! What attacked them A) A Zombie, B) Leech-Lich or C) A shadowy figure?
"NORTH DAKOTA!!" The White Jade screamed as it ran from the shadowy figure which sprang at them. It quickly knocked Heillder off his feet, sticking a pointed, gleaming object in his arm and making him instantaneously fall asleep. The figure quickly turned towards Dex who wielded his GSPHoDD. "Who are you!? What do you want!?" Dex yelled, the GSPHoDD glowing brightly with double-gold statted-ness. "Why are you looking for me ..?" The figure said, the fog lifting just enough to reveal the exotic form of a female Shura. The same Shura girl in the picture with Sekushi. "Y-You're Shahrivar!" Dex exclaimed, lowering his guard slightly. It was his mistake, because the female Shura leapt at him, stabbing him with the giant syringe and then all went black. When they awoke, they were in: A) A dark, dirty tomb, B) back in Eversun or C) where Shah had left them?
"Vegetable oil .. Vegetable OIIIILLL~" The White Jade sang into the ear of it's human master, the farmer unconscious on a slap of stone. The air was heavy with the rancid smell of decay, causing Dex to cough as he awoke. "Wh-where am I?" He looked around, sitting up, only to see his traveling companion in the same predicament as him. Heillder, however, was tied down. "You two are sure causing a lot of trouble," came the voice of the female Shura as she walked into the room. I had to restrain your friend here, he was a little .. Difficult. "Is .. He okay?" Dex looked towards Heillder, then back to Shahrivar. "He'll be fine, but you .. You won't, unless you tell me why you've been looking for me." She approached Dex placing the tip of her giant syringe under his chin. He gulped loudly, and proceeded to explain. "T-The Elder, he wanted me to help him find something, some eggs .. I ran into Heillder and he was doing the same, except the Elder told him to look for you .." He swallowed carefully, not wanting the syringe to puncture his throat. Shahrivar looked to the side. "Hm .. That fool. I can't believe you're playing his game." She lowered the syringe and turned her back to the farmer, as if not even worried of him attacking. "BUTTERNUT CRUNCH!" Noodles yelled, while toying with the skull of a deceased felin, not even paying attention to the world around him. "You realize why he wants me, right? The Elder? It's not because of these eggs .." She pulled from a pouch at her side three little fabrigee kuku eggs. "It's because of THESE!" She pointed to her chest. "He wants D-Cups! That's all he cares about! I .. I thought he wanted more than that, but .." She began to cry. "He went all over town, to every D-Cup he could find. I .. Thought he loved me. I thought he cared about me. So .. When I left him, I took these eggs to pawn for some cash so I could start a new life in Darkdale or Collington." Dex looked around, wondering if this was seriously happening right now. "I, uh .. Okay?" He coughed, "Um, can we go now? Why did you tie Heillder up?" He asked, looking towards the Shura male once again. "OH! NO, you guys aren't going anywhere. I'm tired of this! You think you're the first people he's sent looking for my D-Cups!? LOOK AROUND YOU!" She turned to him, fire in her eyes. Dex then realized the corpses in the tomb; the skull Noodles was lightly gnawing on, were all of the Elder's previous heroes, sent to find the glorious D-Cups of Shahrivar. What happens next: A) Shahrivar attacks Dex, B) Heillder awakens or C) Noodles to the rescue! ..?
"THE D-CUPS ARE MINE, AND HE CAN'T HAVE THEM!" Shahrivar launched herself at Dex, the giant syringe in hand. Dex let out a high-pitched scream, closing his eyes and blocking his face with his hands. It was a few moments before he realized that he had not succumbed to death. He quickly peeked out from behind his hands to see the crumbled form of Shahrivar on the ground, unconscious. The skull the White Jade had been playing with lay next to her head in a small pool of blood. Noodles stood beside the fallen body of the female Shura and poked her chest with his finger. "Squishy~" he proclaimed, with a giddy little laugh. Dex quickly leaped up and scooped the Jade into his arms. "YES! YOU ARE AWESOME, NOODLES, SRSLY!!" He hugged the Jade tight, Noodles simply beginning to gnaw on the rim of Dex's cowboy hat. "TASTES LIKE DESPERATION~" Heillder finally awoke, easily breaking away from the light binds that held him and rubbing his head. "I feel like I'm in a horribly bad movie that is never going to end." He looked towards Dex and Noodles. "Should I bother asking what happened." Dex shook his head, and helped the male Shura to his feet. "We have to stop the Eversun Elder .. He drove Shahrivar to craziness .. I can't even think of what he's doing to people over 175cm tall!" He clutched his fist triumphantly. "Yeah .. Count me out. I'm going home and eating dinner, with my husband. This is ridiculous .. I was just looking to get a reward or something." Heillder turned away from Dex and Noodles and began walking towards the exit. "BUT!! JUSTICE?" Dex yelled out. What does Heillder decide to do? A) Stick with Dex, B) Go home to dinner or C) PUNT! ..?
"Justice? .. No." He turned to Dex and swung his leg back to deliver a devastating punt. "APRICOT BAKING POWDER!!!" Noodles pushed away from Dex and fell into the path of the oncoming leg, only to be punted from the Earth's gravity and into a low orbit. "NOODLES!!! NOOOOO!!" Dex yelled, turning with hatred towards the male Shura. "NOW WE DO BATTLE!!" The Pu-Farmer dropping into battle-stance #23. "Are you serious ..? Look, I'm sorry about your friend, I just want to go home, you're getting very ridiculo-- .." Heillder was not allowed to complete his sentence as Dex leaped at the large Shura with his GSPHoDD clenching tight. "FEEL THE POWER OF DOUBLE GOLD-STATTED SPARKLE POWER!!" He cried out as he smashed the Game Sagey Pimp Hand of Doomed Doom across Heillder's face. Heillder fell back to the ground with a solid thud, his head had been cleanly removed from the rest of his body. Dex looked down at the aftermath .. "Oh .. Geez. Crap, crap. I, uh .. Yeah." He looked around, before quickly attempting to place the head back upon the Shura males shoulders, only to watch it roll away. "Oh, man .. My bad, bro." He ran from the tomb intending to take on the Eversun Elder, but first: A) Dex goes to find Noodles, B) Dex gets attacked by Stickybandaid or C) Dex goes home! ..?
"OMNOMNOMNOM!!" came the war cry as the Sprite came running towards Dex, angrysauce (tm) on her face. "OMGWTFBBQ!!" cried out Dex as he sidestepped, allowed the Sprite to tumbled down the stairs of the tomb, and land with a thud on top of Heillder's body. "I TOLD JOO I WOULD BE BACK!!" She cried out, running back up the stairs before latching onto Dex's leg and rubbing her cheek against it. "I CAUGHT JOO!!!" she said, a soft Sprite-purr emitting from the little one. Dex then: A) Frantically flailed his leg, B) Cried out for the God's to rescue him or C) PUNT! ..?
"WHY, GODS OF THE MIRROR WORLD, HAVE YOU PLAGUED ME WITH THIS THING!?" Dex cried towards the heavens, his fists in the air. "Hey, don't ignore me." A booming voice said to Heillder's corpse, it was the Chasm King, telling Heillder he had reached level DEAD, and was awaiting a response. He looked up upon hearing the Pu-Farmer's cry, and softly laughed. "Oh, hey Dex. Did you know when you reach level 10 you can-- .." he was interrupted by the GSPHoDD smacking him squarely on the face as Dex stood there seething. "YOOOOU~!!! EVERY 10 LEVELS!! EVERY JOB!! YOU WERE THERE!! RRRRARRGHH!!" Dex summoned the powers of Rolling Thunder unto the Chasm King unleashed giant blast of lightning from the GSPHoDD upon the Mirror King. The Chasm King's body twitched, seared and smoked as the lightning coursed through it. Dex knelt, his power exhausted. The Sprite still clung viciously to his leg. The smoke cleared to see the Chasm King standing there, with his eyebrow raised. "You know, Dex .. You don't have to ignore me. Just listen to what I have to say, I'm very helpful." Tears began to well up in the Pu-Farmer's eyes. Not tears of sadness, or the tears that fell when he longed for the flat-chested touch of his Seku-love. Now these were the tears of defeat. Heillder was dead, Noodles was gone, Stick still clung to his leg like a parasite and Sekushi would not return his love. The Elder had sent him on a wild goose chase for breasts and now .. The Chasm King stood over him. "What do you want from me .. I just want to live quietly on my farm .. I just want to be with my Seku-chan!" He clenched his fists together and rose. He flung the Sprite from his leg, and grabbed the Chasm King by the collar. "EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT! I DIDN'T LIKE DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL UNTIL YOU MADE THIS WORLD AND I CAME HERE AND EVERYTHING WAS LIKE .. DEPRESSING!" He shook the Chasm King, as the Mirror God smiled down at him. The Chasm King simply snapped his fingers and: A) Dex awoke in his bed, B) Dex appeared in the Middle of Eversun, next to the Elder or C) Sekushi appeared before him?
Dex stumbled forward, his grasp on the Chasm King was severed. He stood in Eversun, the Elder near him giggling as he oogled the many females he had gathered before him with their breasts of D. "You!!" Dex yelled, pointing at the Elder. "Wha'!?" The Elder turned to see Dex standing there, anger in his eyes, the GSPHoDD crackling with energy. "I, uh .. Did you find my D-C-- .. Err, I mean, Eggs?" He looked around, beginning to panic. "I have walked through the fires of ****, and I may be over-dramatizing a bit, but it was still pretty difficult. I mean, Heillder's dead, and .. Like, there's this Sprite, and .. Oh, whatever." Dex reared back and delivered a crackling punch of electric boogaloo energy at the Elder's head. The Elder, with no time to duck, whispered quietly to himself as the attack approached, "Oh breasts of heaven, I await your loving embr--" The Elder's body disintegrated into dust. Dex fell to his knees, a single tear rolled down his cheek in a manly way as his muscles flexed with UNLIMITED POWAH~ .. "It's over .." He said, looking towards the group of onlookers. The bevy of larged-chested ladies swooned, and crowded around the Pu-Farmer. "OUR HERO~" They cried out as he rose to his feet. He looked around surprised, only to see Noodles hobble up next to him. "SEKU-LOVE~" the White Jade said to Dex, and the Pu-Farmer looked towards the group of woman, a smile cracking on his face. "Seku who?"
EDIT: Thanks to Sekushi, the story is now in more of a readable, less chat-loggy format.